Autumn Wind

The rush of memories took my breath away. Maybe I wanted to conquer my demons or maybe I just wanted to relieve everything, the grief which was once my doing was now my addiction.

The chair reminded me of everything that I had lost, the ugly face of humanity that I had to witness,
the numbness that took over my senses and the silent oath I took to never care again.

And yet being here felt right, like everything withered and infected here was a proof of my existence.

The war had taken away everything along with it, my family, home and my innocence. Wise beyond my years with no one to share it with, everything had started to seem so unreal.

I had lived with survivor’s guilt for so long that at one point I considered taking my own life, but my mother’s words would whisper kindly, that she believed that our ancestors lived through us and so

I lived on for them, one day at a time.

The broken windows, walls covered in fading blood stains, floor covered in dust and insects, this had been my home once.

But this wasn't all that was left of me. There was another part of me who had lived on with her  proud scars , ,someone who now wanted to live freely, without the chains soaked with sorrow weighing her down.

It was her time now.

Goodbye my sixteen year self, rest in peace, I will always cherish you.

Stepping out of the demolished building, I saw a young girl finally giving me her forgiveness as she disappeared in the autumn wind.

Tiny Miscalculation (Trifextra: Week Eighty-One)

“You are like spring, most cherished of all the four seasons “.

“Actually, where I come from, there are five, I assume you have missed monsoon”.

 “…..”.

“She’s way out of your league man”.

Rotten Luck ( Trifextra : Week Seventy-Nine)

"Say it already, or your face will turn blue ".

"I told you so”, she said dryly.

"Let’s run before somebody sees your masterpiece, hurry! “.

“Treasure was supposed to be here " ,he sighed .

Sweet Nothings ( Trifecta Week : Eighty-Five )

We spend our whole lives just living, the same manner, same people, and life just passes by, and then, sometimes everything just stops for a moment, you freeze and can almost count your breath, batting of your eyelashes.
And that’s how I had felt  the first time I saw him  , no words or customary glances were exchanged , and yet I could feel my heart beating against my chest .

I admit it was a strange experience ,having never really fancied a person of flesh and blood but only those tucked in corners of my sweet smelling books , I felt my world had somehow melted  , I almost hated him .
He slept with his mouth wide open , talked  too much , and never seemed to lack female company , it annoyed me to a great extent ,I willed myself not  to look at him or offer any sign of acquaintance .

But good things only last as long as they do, little by little my armor started breaking, I began to notice him more often. He did not help any further by appearing everywhere I went.Even his casual glance or query made me fly ,my toes would curl and it took every ounce of will not to show it .

I know for a fact that I am nothing that could live up to him , I am still an overgrown child who is clinging to her childish antiques cause she is quite afraid of future and he is a man .
Surprisingly I don't feel heartbroken either , I even feel grateful knowing that I am capable of such emotion ,  however I cannot bear being his friend .

As of now I am quite uncertain of my future, my passions , but I know one thing with conviction, I will never forget him, I will tuck him in my memory with care along with all the fictional men I have ever fancied and that is saying a lot in itself , wouldn't you say .

AT DAWN (Trifecta: Week Eighty-One )

  

It was raining heavily outside; this was common in the country.

She loved the  rain , and the aftermath , the smell of earth ,it's freshness , it reminded  her of those days  when she  would dance fearless in the rain, nothing weighing her down , liberated and open to anything .

It was a pity that it didn't last forever.

"But I am here now, and for a purpose “.

She had to remind her self consistently that there was no other option than staying there.

She missed her home, her mother’s laughter, father’s stern glances,  their bickering,  associations she had formed over the years; she even missed the neighbor’s vicious cat with an innocent face that could melt an iceberg.

And here she was million miles away, following her dreams .She wondered if it was worth the price.

There were days she just wanted to leave everything and  run away like a child, and every time her father's words stopped her.

“I know that in this world finding your place is the most difficult thing to do, I am proud of you for doing this .

Even her mother who was overly cautious about everything supported her ,and never even once spoke of missing her fearing that it might weaken her .

She gathered her wits and tried to live each day one day at a time , she owed it to them and above all to herself .

She looked outside and her face relaxed, the dawn had brought along a beautiful companion ,it's colours running across the sky like a never-ending dream .

It's light illuminated her lonely heart; she blew away a  kiss hoping that it would reach home and whisper endearingly  that she would be back soon.

Witness ( Trifecta : Week Seventy )

“When younger I wondered, if one could witness what those people endured from up here, safely ".

“ And now ? “.

“I just want one to witness mine ", She said with sadness lingering in her eyes.

Anything but Ordinary

It is said a known Devil is always better than the unknown .What they don’t tell is how heavy the chains of unknown feel like, your senses tend to blur, even dreams offer no comfort but tend to reprimand  ,it feels similar to a person quenching with thirst looking for quantum of solace.

People tend to scorn at you for paying attention to ridiculous things, mostly blaming you for being over ambitious, yet all you feel is tiredness, aghast at how one is willing to live and make peace with mediocrity. On most days it seems you are walking among dead, unaware souls who appear so blissful that one questions their own sanity.

Being a strong believer of virtue and will within humans, you just want to find your place in this world.

It is not luxury or fame that you desire, but a believe that you are capable of something, that you won’t pass from this world just as you came .You wish to feel redeemed, worthy of your existence .You wish to love something from the bottom of your heart and give a shape to it with your hands, like a mother would groom her child.

It is the hardest things to desire for; it has no price tag, and no one can provide it to you.

So one tends to alienate oneself, keep digging for it, earning a few disappointments and valuable lessons on the journey, failures gripping at your neck like snakes, and desperately hoping that someday destiny reveals itself for better.

And all I have to say is that if you are so, you are not alone, just keep hanging in there. I am sure you will be just fine.